Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
