Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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