fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You're like the curious george of whores
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
