I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Never joke about your clitoris.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
