Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
