so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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