2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
