You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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