these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
