just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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