I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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