hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
