She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
