Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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