who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
