She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize