He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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