All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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