ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
