I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize