I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
