I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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