I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
