4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
