Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
