I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
