What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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