He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize