so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
