Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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