I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
