He felt like a one man threesome
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
