I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
