I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
