last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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