She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
