I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
there is puke in my bra ... again
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
