Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
