I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
