Christians are straight up FREAKS
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
