If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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