What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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