What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize