there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
