I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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