tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
worst night to have a conscience
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
