Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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