I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
