shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
