I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
