what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
