So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
