I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
