Please, let me fuck your mom
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
