We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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