I am puke
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize