hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
