you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
