well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
