You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
