No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
