Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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