you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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