It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
