at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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