we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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