he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
