Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
